Validating feelings bible
When you validate your spouse, you recognize, value and accept his or her deepest thoughts, opinions, ideas, beliefs and emotions. You shouldn’t let it bother you.” • “You should be over that by now.” That is a pretty sobering list.Invalidation, on the other hand, is to reject, debate, minimize, demean, judge or try to fix someone’s emotions. When I first read through these invalidating statements, I cringed as I realized how many of the phrases I had used with my own loved ones — especially my wife, Erin.Here’s a list gleaned from eqi.org, a site about emotional intelligence, of things people say — some intentional, some unintentional — to invalidate a spouse: • “You’re so sensitive.” • “That’s ridiculous. Validation is modeled in marriage when we safely allow our spouse to share his or her thoughts and feelings.The message is that it’s OK to think or feel the way he or she does.However, I have another — to focus on Erin’s emotions. But when you question, disagree, debate or argue with how he or she feels, you completely invalidate your spouse. Once you understand your husband’s or wife’s perspective and emotions, you can follow the reflective listening with a simple statement like: • “It makes sense to me that you are feeling that way.” • “I would feel the same way.” • “I can understand why you feel that way.” • “What you are saying matters to me.” • “Your feelings are really important.” When one spouse does not object to or argue with the other’s feelings, but accepts him or her with validation, the other spouse feels truly loved.On the other hand, it’s extremely powerful when you allow your spouse to experience his or her true feelings and validate his or her emotions. One spouse’s validating attitude confirms that the other spouse has a right to feel the way he or she does.Introduction: Does the Bible seem to be a good place to learn about human emotions?
Prior to joining Focus, Smalley worked for the Center for Relationship Enrichment at John Brown University and as President of the …Remember, you can validate your spouse’s point of view while still possessing a different viewpoint.When I say, “Erin, I really understand that you are hurting, that this has wounded you,” I am not necessarily saying, “Erin, I agree with you, and I was wrong.” Rather, I am saying, “I could tell that this really hurt you, and your feelings mean the world to me. ” It’s also important that you verbally communicate that you are with your spouse — on the same page and on the same team.His thesis is that using the current drugs is like throwing rocks into a sophisticated machine. Whether or not science has the answers I am not qualified to say, but let's jump into our series of studies to see what answers are in the Bible!Would you like to help us share the Bible Study of the Week with others?