Matters of life and dating

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Although this work can be lengthy and painful, as the perpetrator’s own dignity and worth are rediscovered and affirmed, his ability to then approach and attempt reconciliation with the offended person is greatly enhanced.The role of friends and extended family Although this problem tends to be hidden, friends, colleagues, and extended family can play a critical role in fostering peace.The violence does not happen randomly, or solely because of stress or substance abuse; abusers use violence to get what they want.This being said, it is important to recognize that the abusers were not “born that way,” but have their own history of developmental and family problems (often being abused) that can explain how they learned to be aggressive.Even though the family of origin was dysfunctional, its unhealthy equilibrium may have been the only thing the person knew.

An important step to help in preventing or stopping violence is recognizing certain risk factors such as jealousy, hypersensitivity and possessiveness, or controlling, explosive or threatening behaviors.

Finally, the abuser thinks about the past and the future in a manner that drives the abuser to mentally “set up” the next episode of violence.

Some victims of domestic abuse have a tendency to “normalize” violent behavior based on experiences in their family of origin, where they struggled with their sense of self-worth, setting boundaries, or emotional dependence.

Because abusers often have a poor sense of self-worth, they do not take responsibility for their actions and try to blame the victim instead.

Thus the person perpetrating the violence needs his own help and healing.

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